One More Thing. [12 Feb 2006|10:49pm] [ mood | same ] [ music | Sage Francis - Runaways ] I've begun to do things alone now. (shop, eat out, travel to SF city by Bart, etc.) Is it because I am sick of people? or personless? not sure. 5 : comment?

Seldom am I alone. But always, I am alone. [12 Feb 2006|08:43pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Illogic - Hate In A Puddle (aka emo hip hop) ] I won't say that I don't know why. but, maybe it's a stupid self-centered problem that I want the world to know about it cause attention is something that people need in intervals. Optimism takes you so far, and I guess I forgot to be real. some friends just ain't friends like you thought they were. I forgot that one and now I guess it hurts deep. Last Friday I had a show with my band, Jive Theory, and it was pretty dope. I was pacing backstage, being that this was my first show. I've never ever emcee'd in front of a crowd. On the real. I can talk in front of a crowd cause I get to be myself, and just have fun with it. and I'll dance in front of the crowd cause I love doing it and it doesn't require much of me but to let my body go. However, MCing was different, (now I'm past it) It's like I have to memorize my lyrics and I feel that if I mess up once, I'm going to burn for it. It wasn't the case. It went through with very few-mix-ups and mess-ups. Thanks to Jon and Kris actually going out in front of the stage to talk about me, that means a lot you guys. Now more than ever. I hope you don't feel under appreciated. Before the show started, the curtains were waving. I was just pacing, as the band got set up. I asked the band to huddle with me because I Was glad that they were there with me for my first show. Then, while Jon and Kris were finishing, I stood there in the middle of the curtains. Nervous as ever, battling with my thoughts, grasping onto whatever I could to stop the butterflies. Then the curtains split and it was all gone. Just like Tim said it would. I won't make this sound poetic or anything, but it was just kinda beautiful. I grabbed the mic, and started yelling into it. Performed "you feel me" first. Then invited Marlo and Kyle to the stage to do a thizz rendition with me. that was fun as hell. then we did "genre to genre" which I think the people didn't feel as much but it was coo. then we did our final song "don't go" which people loved. It's a very chill and beautiful song. Kudos to Tim for slipping in his GF. haha, bonus points. But yes, the show isn't the important thing to me right now. It was the audience. Over the week, I had advertised the show in my profile and with some certain people, I actually took the liberty of inviting them myself. Some said they'll try very hard, some said they'll be there, some said iono, my calender is kinda iffy right now. White lies turning black over time. It hurts, you know, when you think someone actually loves you as a friend, and you think they'd support you if not in everything, then in something that you hold close to you. This was my first performance ever, and I needed my friends to be there. When I walked out into the crowd of people leaving I expected to see someone that I would be glad to see come up to me and tell me I did really good(whether or not I did). But no one. the people who promised me they'd be there, weren't. The people whom I've helped in the past and who I thought held me close as friend weren't there. Some of them apologized and I forgave them. Some of them apologized and I couldn't. Some of them haven't even spoken to me. I was walking outside, looking around for my "friends". People looking at me at dismay like, "who's that guy looking for?" I eventually gave up and just went to the circle of people whom I've known dearly. I love these people. Some people who I thought were my close homies went off to Project Hyphy, a dance event in Milpitas. that one hurt the most. They chose the appeal of sociality, bitches, and dancing over a friend who needed them. A friend who's been there for them since I've met them. If I didn't need them, then I wanted them. And good friends are there for each other, no matter the circumstance. It's not even like they don't like My "Hip Hop" Music. IT's all over their clothing and faces everyday. IT's just that they chose something else. If you know me, you know I'd be there for you at any time. I'd sit through "awkward moments" and other dumb reasons like that. That makes you a bitch-made homie. Thanks. If you had something where you needed my help, I wouldn't wait for you to ask. I'd ask if I could help in anyway. Not a wasteful "uhh, are you okay? aye foo, I'm here for you no matter what blah blah etc." More of a "whatever you need." type friend. It may be that you didn't understand how special I held this performance to me, and how much I wanted you guys there. But that kinda proves to me that you guys either don't care or don't even know me that well. To most, I'm just that guy that knows a lot of people. To some, I'm that guy that knows people and I know him. To you guys, I'm your supposed close friend or best friend or something. To people that I've come to appreciate, now more than ever, I'm a loved friend, whom they'd do anything for in times of need. The terms "close" or "best" don't apply here. It's given. Knowing a lot of people does not mean you're never lonely. Citizen Kane was on point. Usually, you're more lonely than a lot of people. What sad is that you're given doses of fulfillment and when it's taken, you begin to feel colder, meaner, more bitter. If you're reading this and I've been talking to you lately, you've probably noticed. I don't have people I go out on weekends with, I don't like fading from friends, I don't want to go get high all the time and get drunk and party, I don't need anything more...than a real good friend. Not close or "best", just a good friend. I'd say fuck you, but I hope the other words did it for me. At this point, I've been loathing around all weekend, sitting around, doing nothing. Just kind of sad that I have nothing to do or no one to talk to. "Perplexed with this Conundrum of Life." - illogic I'd write a song about this, but I'm just too out of it right now. 5 : comment?

John, You Entertain Me Greatly So. [01 Feb 2006|10:02pm] [ mood | entertained. ] [ music | Louis Armstrong - Nobody Knows the Trouble I've seen ] so John had a dream with me in it. hobo johnn: dude i just had the weirdest fucking dream GottakeepyahIzon: what was in it? hobo johnn: i just had a dream that you were visiting fucking austria, sight seeing hobo johnn: then out of no where german vikings came and raided the small country hobo johnn: and all the old people in the village stop what they were doing and ran inside their sports cars (dont ask me why) hobo johnn: and you were like "dude wtf is happening" hobo johnn: and some viking on a horse comes out of no where and whacks you in the head with a huge ass cudgel GottakeepyahIzon: LOL. hobo johnn: then when you awake hobo johnn: you find yourself in a amish village hobo johnn: in like...amish abe lincoln gear GottakeepyahIzon: LOL hobo johnn: then when u awoke u were nervous and suprised, and all the villagers gathered around and looks at you hobo johnn: and i guess you woke up and looked at them for 2 seconds and had that (what thaaa fuckk duuuuuu face on) then jumped out of your bed hobo johnn: then the amish people were clapping and laughing and made this amish beat GottakeepyahIzon: LOL GottakeepyahIzon: HAAHAHA hobo johnn: and you started to spit words hobo johnn: and get aquainted with the amish hobo johnn: and next day you taught them how to bboy hobo johnn: then i dont know GottakeepyahIzon: AHAHA GottakeepyahIzon: WTF. hobo johnn: word got out hobo johnn: and all the other amish settlements started bboying hobo johnn: and you became the like national man for amish hobo johnn: then your family see's you ont the tv hobo johnn: and then they come visit you hobo johnn: but you looks like abe lincoln now and you are hella amish GottakeepyahIzon: you're making this up. hobo johnn: and you are like the first amish underground hip hop hobo johnn: HAHA NO DUDE GottakeepyahIzon: hahaha GottakeepyahIzon: are you fucking serious GottakeepyahIzon: ahahahah hobo johnn: i forgot how it ended hobo johnn: cuz last thing i noticed up was kathie with a afro hobo johnn: then i woke up and helal laughed GottakeepyahIzon: LOL GottakeepyahIzon: HAHAAHAHHA hobo johnn: yeah hobo johnn: but that dream was trippy bonus points: GottakeepyahIzon: ahahaha GottakeepyahIzon: dude, GottakeepyahIzon: this is going on the livejournal GottakeepyahIzon: it's the awesome. hobo johnn: never go to austria hobo johnn: or you might start a amish bboy revolution hobo johnn: omfg but can you imagine hobo johnn: like a old italian lady holding a chicken hobo johnn: then out of no where she stops suddenly hobo johnn: then runs to her aZn outed wrx GottakeepyahIzon: LOL GottakeepyahIzon: HAHAHHa GottakeepyahIzon: WTF hobo johnn: thats what i saw in my dream hobo johnn: alright thats all i wanted to share with you hobo johnn: that was trippy hobo johnn: hw later dude GottakeepyahIzon: aite same. 1 : comment?

Vash-nine. [22 Jan 2006|08:42pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | 9th Wonder and Nas - Mastermind ] When i get an independant spot, while I'm young; I wanna build a: dance room - mirrors - floors - spacious recording studio - to charge people to record as well. and Other stuff. All in a garage or something. comment?

Victory. [18 Jan 2006|02:32pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Murs - And this is for ] True Sale Today. Dedicated to good stuff. Woke up at 445am. took shower. prepped. called ________. Left house at 530am. Met ________. Left for fremont bart. Got coffee along the way. Got to bart. barted alone to SF. Listened to 3:16 : the 9th edition. 740am. took muni and walked my ass to True. 8 o'clock in the morning. First one there. Only one there til Carl showed up at 8:15am. True opens at 11. Cold as fuck, started the line at the wrong spot. Gangsta looking homies felt bad for my predicament and let me, carl, and the 3rd guy step in front of them. First in line. Hurrah. True opened up. HELLA worth it. Spent $160. But Hella worth it. Met up with Nick, Jordan, their cuzzo Mike, and Kevin. Met up with Gela. Got kidnapped by Gela and co. Fell asleep in the G ride. Ate food with Gela and her friend Amanda in Dublin, barted home. Went to sleep at 6pm. Woke up at 6am. 1 : comment?

Happyness Manifest! [13 Jan 2006|11:30am] [ mood | jubilant ] [ music | Mos Def - Beef is ] O man. Happy as all hell. Checked my Calculus Test grade, 132/150. (B) That brings from 78.71 to probably 80.00+ cause of weights. I'm so happy. Now I get to dance all day. Been craving. God. So happy. 3 : comment?

I've been felt. [11 Jan 2006|08:48pm] [ mood | high ] [ music | Big L - Flamboyant ] Confused about a couple certain things, but I'm still on top of it. Make that On Top Music! I'm feeling good. My Music is taking off, all I needed was that one firey track and I got it with "Ya Feel Me." I remember, I got inspired by Blackstar ft. Common - Respiration and that line where Kweli says, "For Trees to grow in brooklyn, seeds need to be planted; I'm askin if y'all feel me and the crowd left me stranded!" I got some track collabos lined up with: - www.myspace.com/blissfulagony and Ed.Word from - www.myspace.com/thez00crew so I guess watch out for those ones. Also, what makes me smile is that as I get better, my number one producer, Richard La aka Beats-R-Us, is getting doper by the second. It's crazy how much he's moved up and I ain't complaining. Also feeling good cause I got a comment that was a daymaker. Also I got see my future car. Skeet. Plus, just feeling good cause I did pretty good on both my AP Class (eng and calc) finals today. =D 3 : comment?

I lost my sense of Dream and Ideal [30 Dec 2005|03:21am] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Jay-Z - Soon You'll Understand ] First Livejournal Entry. For things I don't write verses, or release songs about. Just needed a nice place to Jot stuff down is all. During Conversation, I noticed, I can't tell the difference between my dream, and Ideal girl. First thought that came to mind was, "dumb girl problems." I don't have a girl. Haven't had one neither. Never really had girl problems. In the words of Stevo, "Never really a man til I experience heartbreak." Waiting Patient with my mind in an other place. My dream girl is my ideal girl. That...does not work. It's not possible, although it is good for me. Been trying to stay away from a relationship to keep my mind, and short time concentrated on school. (and dancing and rapping) Got my head straight, you know? Yet, no matter the time I spend partying, studying, doing homework, and other routine things, I can't stop wanting one. I keep telling myself, you should find a fling, or a girl down for a one night stand. Truthfully, that sounded like what I really did want. But I didn't. I'm too respectful of women, rather more then of people, to go out and break someone's heart. and very rarely does someone find someone else looking for a one stand. (waves hand at readers) But I can't do that a woman, that's mean and undignified. Against my raising. I've turned shallow. I think the reason, other than the 80% that I blame on myself, is the fact that I surround myself with ladies men. My friends always seem to be surrounded by girlies, seem to attract them a lot, or at least always talk about them. You know the guys, got hella pretty friends, tells you their stories, always getting myspace comments and etc. Some People see me as that guy. To get it straight, I'm NOT that guy. I'm an artist looking for a muse. I'm an intellectual looking for someone to discuss with; not chit-chat, have petty conversations with, etc., but someone to stimulate my mind the same way good teachers would. Wise in a certain line of knowledge. Not academics, but knowledge. I'm a puzzle piece missing the rest of the pieces cause I fell out the box at the pawn shop and I'm dieing to finish the other 499 pieces of me. I'm a guy looking for a girl. I'm craving a relationship. Not a fling, or a one-night stand. But someone to stick. What sucks, is that my standards are too high. They're too close to my dream girl, and I've lost my sense of ideal vs. dream. She has to be Gorgeous. Hot. Like able to be shown off hot. (and that's a point I shouldn't even reach) Not materialistic. Intellectual. Knows Where Shes Going. Understanding. Fit and Healthy. High Libido. Spontaneous. Well Rounded. Good Listener. Excellent Story Teller. Down to Party. Hip Hop. Honest. Would go with me to strange places. Give Me Strength. Keep me on Track and in Check. Dedicated. and most of all, Down to Earth. So, well, find me the impossible. I hate discussing problems like this cause I'd like to think I'm past it, but I'm not. I'm in High School, and I can't escape the inevitable. Loneliness has inspired a lot of the shit I've written, but I still hope that I'd be able to write a love song in the future. Just an artist who needs a muse really. the Perfect Muse actually. 3 : comment?

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